Day Twenty Five, Twenty Six and Twenty Seven...

Day Twenty Five the reason I believe I am still alive today...

There are many possible answers to this question, but to be quite honest I have no idea. I have often thought about this, what is the reason I am still here? I have had my share of near death experiences, two that I can really recall

When I was newly married I worked for The Senior Center within the Everygreen Hospital organization, I worked as a Receptionist slash medical records clerk. I loved my job very much! I also loved all my coworkers and one day I was out to lunch with one of them. Misty and I were in Kirkland near Fred Myer where there are train tracks, and we were stopped at a red light

::Pause:: you know how there are always signs that say don't stop on the tracks? Does anyone really do that??

Ok, we were stopped on the train tracks when all of a sudden we see the red and white striped bar lookin' things come down and red lights start to flash. We looked around us to see if we could move (We were in a Buick AKA longest car ever) anyways we hear the train's horn and we start screaming. Misty starts to back up the car to get out of the way as much as possible... the next thing we know the train is passing in front of us LESS THEN A FOOT AWAY!! I have no idea how we fit this HUGE car between the striped bar and the train but we did... I almost died!!

The next time I almost died was 4 years ago when I was pregnant with Makenzie. We lived at the Acsent apts. and it had snowed... the only way to leave the apts was the go down a VERY steep paved hill. Anthony had taught me how to drive in the snow so I thought I could handle it. I was in 1st gear and started to creep down the hill. There was ice and I lost control of the car and I started sliding down the hill and I started to panic... and as the tears started to flow out of my face the car stops. Someone had salted to sidewalk and it was completely dry. When I had stopped I was looking at my feet at the brake peddle wondering what happened and just then when I looked up a massive SEMI TRUCK passed by... WOW right?

So when I think about this question I have to think there is a devine reason I am still here. For what you might ask? I am not sure... To be a mother? To be a wife? I don't know but I will do my best at whatever it is that I am supposed to be doing!!

Day Twenty Six Have I ever thought about giving up on life? If so, why?

Umm this is a super personal question and I don't want to go into too much detail, but yes I have. I was about 14 and that was the first time I had realized how much I needed Faith in something bigger then me. When I didn't succeed I realized that the answer to my problems wasn't death but life...

Day Twenty Seven What is the best thing going for me right now?

MY KIDS!!!! I will always say my kids to this question! They are my everything and I am so glad that I get the honor of being their mom... :) :)

Day Twenty Two, Twenty Three & Twenty Four

Man, it has been a LONG time! I have been so crazy busy that I have put this blog on the back burner! It's been so busy that I even have had to put my camera on the shelf for a while... But no worries things are slowing down for the moment and I am able to blog...

Day Twenty Two Something I wish I hadn't done in my life...

I wish I hadn't taken FREE education for granted! I wish I would have payed more attention in school and learned more. But to make up for that I plan on homeschooling, and while I am teaching my kids maybe I will learn a thing or two! :)

Day Twenty Three Something I wish I had done in my life...

hmm this one is hard... I have done a LOT in my life it is hard to think of something I would've done on top of everything.

I think I have got it... I wish I would have learned better eating habbits as a kid. If only I didn't eat such junk food maybe it would be easier now to stop... Interesting, when I started this challenge I don't know if I would have put that as my answer and that was a month ago? I have learned so much since then about food by watching a couple documentries called Food Inc. and Food Matters... if you havent seen eaither of them you might want to! The only problem is this new change is expensive... so it will have to be a slow transformation.

Day Twenty Four Make a playlist for someone and write the reason for each song...

My playlist is for my KIDS! So they can know a little about me through music!

#1 Moulin Rouge Track 11 - Come what May

Because, this is the song that I fell in love with Anthony. It was a late night and Anthony offered to give me a ride home around 11pm at night, we got to my house around 11:15pm and we sat in the car listening to the Moulin Rouge soundtrack, we were trying to say goodbye but we kept finding things to talk about, "Come what may" was my favorite song so we must have listened to it a million times. I would sing Nicole Kidmans part and he would sing Ewan McGregor's. I even taught him how to interpretive dance to this song! We talked until about 2am. and I have seen him EVERYDAY since!! 6 1/2 years later! :)

#2 Celine Dion - The Power of Love

I have talked about this song before so it is no shock that I would put it on my playlist. This song got my through so hard times and I will never forget it's healing power! This song is what love SHOULD look like! It's what I feel for Anthony and I can only hope this with what my kids feel as they enter the Temple doors and get sealed to their one and only!

#3 Celine Dion - A Mother's Prayer

I love this song! When I was pregnant with Makenzie I bought this CD (Miracle) I wanted to sing this prayer to Mak every chance I could! And now to all my kids!! The second best song from this CD is called "Come to me"

#4 Lonestar - I want to be the one

Anthony sang this song to me a LOOONG time ago. It was when we were dating the first time... We dated the month of July 2004, during that time Anthony sang this song to me and it FREAKED ME OUT!! One because I thought it was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me. Two because if I stayed with him I would marry him and I was NOT ready yet! When I was ready to be the one I let him know...which was April 12th 2005, also the night of our first kiss!

#5 Billy Currington - Must be doin' somethin' right

Anthony and I danced our first dance to this song... so no brainer, it had to be on here!

#6 Dixie Chicks - Lullaby

This song saved my life when Makenzie was a baby! All we would have to do is turn it on and she would stop crying like magic!! No joke, it was that easy! We also played it at night for her... I believe it was the trick to keep her asleep through the night. I need to start playing it for the TWINS!!!

#7 Partridge Family - I think I love you

This song brings back fun memories of my family and I cramming into my dads bronco. All 7 of us kids would pile in and say "Let's sing our song" We called it our family song... those were the good ol' days, as far as our family is concerned... more and more its starting to feel like we are strangers living seperate lives, sad really! When I started my own family I gained a new love for this song because the instant I had them I fell in love, there's nothing like it and nothing that can prepare you for it!

#8 Bet Midler - The Rose

My mom and I LOVE to sing this song together! We started singing it when I was a teenager. She would take us girls to Chang's to sing Kareoke and us girls (except her) would have to sit outside the bar for obvious reasons.. but the Kareoke was inside the bar so the DJ (his name is Zoon) would hand us the mics and we would sing! We still go and still sing this song! I hope my kids and I will have song like this one that we can sing together :)

#9 Bruno Mars - Just the way you are

Growing up I was never confident about the way I looked. When I was 14 my dad asked me if I needed to loose some weight... so you can imagine the body image issues surrouunding me. It has been that way my whole life. Skinny is the only way to be... Until I met Anthony! When I met him it was the first time I felt confident, he makes me feel beautiful no matter the size of my pants. I want my kids growing up knowing that it isnt the size of your body that determines whether you're happy or not. No one should ever let you think otherwise!

You are beautiful JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!

#10 LDS Hymns - I Need The Every hour

this song played at my baptism and is very important to me... I do need Him every hour and I will for the rest of my life. I want my kids to know that He can be with them as well, and how life is MUCH easier with Him by your side! :)

#11 Josh Groban - You are loved

I love my children very much and I want this song to be a reminder of that! Everything that I want to say is in this song... I just love it.

#12 Mindy Gledhill - Emma

I hope my girls can find a hero in Emma Smith like I have. Her strength and faith is amazing. I can only pray that I can be as strong as her through my trials and be as graceful as her...

My playlist is kinda ALL OVER the place but it's real and I love it!

Days Twenty and Twenty One

Day Twenty What are my views on drugs and alcohol?

Well, let see... because I know about this subject first hand I am not very black and white about it. Obviously, drinking is wrong, as well as drugs but I feel like there is way more then just that. Before I was a member I dabbled a little in each subject. More the alcohol then the other, but I knew why I did it. I drank because I was in a lot of pain. I thought that when I was in a drunken stupor I couldn't be hurt, or that I couldn't feel it so it wasn't there. I am not proud of my life before the gospel, but I also wouldn't be who I am without falling and learning now to reach out for help. I believe I had to go through what I did so my kids don't have to. In my experience people intoxicate themselves to get away from their situation, they want to loose control for a while. For me, I wanted to fill a void. I wanted to forget that my dad thought I was fat and couldn't do anything right. I wanted to forget that he picked his wife over me. As a parent I feel it is super important to not freak out and go on a rampage. If I were to find out my child had been drinking, I hope that I would feel awful for my child because they weren't strong enough to say no. Then I would ask myself why they thought they had to drink. And after I had calmed down I would go to the child/teenager and have a heart to heart. What are they lacking? What can I do to help? Is it something that I am doing that I can change? How do I need to change our family dynamic to help them? Locking a child up by grounding or whatever is not the way (at least for me) to handle things. I feel it would have pushed me even farther off the edge and possibly pushed me to do things a little stronger... Drugs and alcohol are a key to let you know there is something wrong, how can we as parents fix it? I know for me it was the love of my Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. They can fill any void, they filled mine.

I am an open book and I have no problem talking about the things I have had to go through because I am on the straight and narrow now, maybe my life's experiances help someone view things differently. My story proves the glory of the Gospel and how it can change a life, if of course they are willing to make a change :)

Day Twenty One My best friend is in an accident and an hour before the accident we got into a fight. What would I do?

I would go to the hospital where she was and make sure that her family has been called. I wouldn't be able to leave until she woke up and I could say that I was sorry we fought. I would do anything and everything she needed but not because we were in a fight, but because she is my best friend. If we were true best friends a little fight wouldn't get between us.

I don't know if in this senerio she dies but if she did then I would know the Plan of Salvation and know she would be taken care of... I would pray that she know how sorry I was, and that I will cherrish our friendship forever. At least this is how I hope I would act... I hope I never have to find out.

Days Seventeen, Eighteen, and Nineteen

So, these are the tough questions... Hope I don't offend anyone.

Day Seventeen A book I have read that changed my views on something...

Well, this one is super easy :) The BOOK OF MORMON

Before I read the Book of Mormon I was searching for truth. I went to a bunch of different churches and nothing seemed to stick. Nothing felt right. When I was 17 I met two boys that brought me along to their church activities, and I have to admit the only reason I went was because I wanted to spend more time with these older boys. ( I guess the saying Flirt to Convert rings true in my case) they took me to institute where we learned about the Book of Mormon, that night they gave me one and asked me if I would read it. I said yes, knowing I probably wouldn't. As I thought, it stood on my dresser unread for a while. The boys asked me all the time if I had started it, and all the time I said "of course". haha But then one night I thought to myself "what the heck it couldn't hurt right?" So I started. Lehi was so brave to take his family away from the only place they called home to live in the wilderness. And Nephi? So willing to do what his father had asked without question? I was nothing like Nephi. I was a LOT like Laman and Lamual. I questioned everything my parents said and/or did. But that love Nephi had for his father and God was over whelming and struck me to the core. I wanted to be like them. I wanted a Father to love me no matter what, I wanted a Father I could trust and follow with no questions asked. As I got through this amazing book I saw all the love the people had for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ and I felt love for Them as well.

Through the Book of Mormon I found LOVE for my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ. Six months later I was baptized... December 4Th 2004 :)

Day Eighteen My views on gay marriage...

A lot of people do things ( Drink, Smoke, etc.) that I don't agree with but I still love them all the same. I guess that is true in this case. I don't agree with gay marriage but, all the same, it is not my place to judge them. One of the commandments I follow is love thy neighbor so that's what I do. I believe how people choose to love is their choice and Heavenly Father handles the rest.

that's all I have to say about that subject.

Day Nineteen What do I think of religion or politics...

Well, me and politics don't get along, so all I know is... Those in office are there because that's where the majority of people put them and if you don't like it, vote differently next time.

I am a little naive can you tell?

Days Fourteen, Fifteen, and Sixteen (30 days of truth)

Day Fourteen A hero that let me down...

At different points in my life there have been influential people that got me through some tough times...I could go on and on about them but that is not the question.

I think a hero that let me down is the idea of a hero. When growing up I searched for someone who was going to save the day. Spare me from life with divorced parents that didn't speak. But no one came to my rescue in a cape and mask. I realized as a kid that if anyone was going to be my hero it was going to be me. As a kid I had a really hard time asking for help. I put up a force field of confidence and high spirits when there were times when I felt like things would never get better. At the age of 14 I started letting those walls down for one person. My Aunt Mary Ann. She is the only one who took time to look through the walls and see the real me... broken and in complete misery. She is my hero. She has NEVER let me down. And something kind of interesting... she collect Wonder Woman stuff... She is my Wonder Woman. To this day she can still lift me up when I am flat on the ground and I am so grateful for that! She keeps me sane :)

Day Fifteen Someone of something I couldn't live without because you have tried...

I could not live without the Sacrament. When I was a new member of the church I slipped and was asked not to take the Sacrament. It was the hardest time in my life to this day. I was so incredibly weak without it. To this day I do my absolute best to NEVER be without it again. I need it like breath to keep me strong, strong enough to carry any burdens I am faced with. I am so grateful to my church, I wouldn't be the person I am not without it! I love it :)

Day Sixteen Someone or something I can live without...

I can live without CANDY... it is a out of sight out of mind kind of thing. If I can't see it, I don't need it hahaha.

Days Eleven, Twelve, and Thirteen

Day Eleven Something about you that people compliment the most on...

I get a lot of compliments on my accomplishments. In my 23 almost 24 years of life, I have learned a lot. I have married the man of my dreams and I have given birth to three kids. I would say that's a LOT! That's what people compliment me on.

Day Twelve Something I never get compliments on...

Umm... I don't get compliments on... hmm. I wouldn't say there is anything that I do that I don't get compliments on. Man that makes me sound so arrogant. But, I don't think I am I just think I have great friends and family.

man the more and more I answer these questions the more I see how wonderful my life is. I really have it good!

Day Thirteen A band or artist that has gotten me through some tough days...

Before my dad and Lisa got together, so when I was about 10 or 11, my dad never came out of his room when it was his weekend to have us. So, I used to lay down next to my boom box, with my head up next to it, I would play Celine Dion, the power of love. I would play that one song over and over and over and over until I knew the words perfectly. I would listen to her for hours, not only that one song but all of them from that CD. Still to this day Celine Dion can lift my spirits. It's kinda funny that a 10 year old chose to listen to Celine Dion but ever since Titanic, she has been my favorite. I would do anything to see her in concert!!

Days Eight, Nine, and Ten

Man I am so late with all of this stuff!! I can't believe how long I have gone without writing anything. In any case, here is Day's 8, 9, & 10

Day Eight Who has made my life miserable or treated me like poo?

This one is super hard. I wouldn't say that there was one person who made my life hell. I have times in my life when someone didn't treat me like I felt I should be treated but no one person has made my life hell. Sorry, this answer is a little like a cop out. I truly don't have one person that has been that bad to me. I guess I am lucky.

Day Nine Someone I didn't want to let go, but drifted...

I have tons of these kind of people in my life. But one that sticks out the most is this friend I had in 2nd grade.. Her name is Nina. I never knew her last name, so now I can't find her. Her and I were inseparable, she was the one friend that never got sick of me and thought as strangely as I did as a kid. She needed me as much as I needed her. Since her I have had no one in my life like that. I will always miss her...

Day Ten Someone I need to let go, or wish I never met.

I don't have any friends I need to let go. The friends I have been chosen because I know that I can count on them and they can count on me. I don't have any bad friends! :) My friends are amazing and I wouldn't get rid of any of them!!

Days Six and Seven...

6.Something I hope I never have to do...

Like my list of things that I want to do there is a longer list of the things I never want to do. Here they are...

Barry anyone of my kids

Bungy Jump

Scuba Dive

See any of my kids get badly hurt

Get hit by a car

Lose everything

Lose Faith

Lose touch with any of my kids

Get a call from the fire dept that my husband is badly injured or dead

Get locked into a small room

The list can go on and on but I am sure everyone doesn't want to do MOST of these things so no big surprise...

7. Someone who has made my life worth living for...

This one is super easy, the second I read it I knew what I was going to say.

The person who has made my life worth living for is my AMAZING husband Anthony Scott. He is my everything and with out him I would be lost. I would n't have such a strong testimony of the Gospel, I would not have any of my beautiful children, and I would not laugh everyday.

Anthony and I met a very long time ago, I was in tenth grade and one day he and some awesome friends gave me a ride home. About a year or so later we became very close, best friends even. We did everything together! We are the same to this day, I love spending all my time with him and wouldn't want it anyother way!

Anthony is such a good role model for me, he inspires me to always look to do good and do better, he knows his strengths and puts them to good use! He is a man of service like I have said many many times before. He never puts himself before others and remembers his Savior in all things!

I will live the rest of my life making myself better to match his compassion and love for Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. I can't wait to see how our life together will grow, and all the memories we will make laughing, loving and living! I love him with all my heart and I am so blassed to have him in my life!

Days Two, Three, Four, and Five...

2.What to I love about myself?

Well this is a toughy because growing up if you liked something about yourself and said anything about it you were called cocky or arrogant, so having a positive opinion about yourself is super hard for me. Taking compliments is even harder...

With all that said, I do need to tell the truth and say what I love about myself... I think it would have to be that I am funny/quirky... I like that you can never guess what I might say next even if it may get me in trouble... I love to laugh and enjoy fun loving conversation so my unexpected remarks always seem to add a little more of everything I love.

3. Something I need to forgive myself for...

This one is so far the hardest one to answer. Not because I don't have the answer but whether or not I am willing to share such a deep and personal instance with the world. I think writing it down will be just as hard. But I signed on to this challenge with full intention to complete it and telling the truth so here it is...

3 years ago right after I had Makenzie I became pregnant, which we were happy, scared, nervous, excited and not sure about. And one day, when I was about 8 weeks along, I decided to rearrange the furniture in the living room including HUGE couches and chairs, unfortunately I did this alone. The next day early in the morning I started cramping really really bad so I went to the bathroom where I began to bleed pretty heavily I started to panic and called Anthony. He rushed home and took me to the hospital. They told me that I had had a miscarriage... I remember getting home stepping into the newly remodeled living room and dropping to my knees crying "if only I didn't move this furniture, if only I was careful." I felt as if I had killed my unborn child.

I know what you are thinking... God has a plan for me and what happened was part of it. It may not have had anything to do with moving furniture. Nevertheless, I blame myself...

For this I am trying to forgive myself.

Kinda deep eh? Don't worry I am ok :)

4. Something I need to forgive someone for...

Man these questions are hard! To be truthful, I didn't read every question before I took on this challenge... probably should've haha

I need to forgive my family... Theres not a whole I want to say other then I wish things happened differently when it comes to my childhood but they are what they are... I need to just face that and forgive and forget...

5. Something I hope to do in my life...

There are soo many things I want to do so I will just list them off!!

- Sky Dive for my 25th Birthday

- Build my dream house

- Buy a horse... a special horse, Her name is Mercedes. She is light brown with a dark brown mane and tail... she is beautiful! Anthony hasn't decided what kind of horse he wants but he will be getting one as well :)

- Get my photography studio set up

- Grow a garden full of veggies

- Scrapbook each of my children's lives

- Travel to Ireland.. for starters, then everywhere else!

There are so many more but they are escaping me at the moment...haha

Tune in for the next questions!!

Day One

So I follow an AWESOME blog called a sorta fairytale and she is doing this challenge called "30 days of truth" and she mentioned that she didn't think she could do it because it was very disclosing and controversial and I completely agree but I thought I might learn a thing or two about myself so why not? I hope I don't offend anyone but I plan to tell the truth.

Here are the questions...

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Day number one: What do you hate about yourself?

First of all, I want to start off by saying I am just answering the questions, not expecting people to hand out complements like candy. I can't stand it when a super skinny person talks about how fat they are (only looking for the rebuke the comment) when they are obviously skinnier then the person they are complaining to...

Ok, something I hate about myself.

My patients. I can't stand that I am so in the moment and can't wait to see what comes in the future, I am a horrible saver because of it. I am getting better about it but I am not where I want to be. I think that when I was in heaven, ready to come to earth, Heavenly Father asked what I would like to learn. Unfortunately, I had a long list, I am not sure what I was thinking. but I asked for..

Patients
Confidence
Humility
& Strength

each of these are to be well earned I assure you... ahaha it will take my lifetime to learn :)

I CHALLENGE YOU TO DO THIS WITH ME!! DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO PUT NAMES!!

Emma does NOT look like Mak...

When seperate they look alike but side by side you can REALLY see the differences!! One looks like me the other looks like Anthony... which is which??

Still Learning...

Being a parent is the hardest thing I have ever had to do, you have no idea until you are rushing out the door with a three year old needing socks and shoes on, two infants that can't do ANYTHING for themselves, I still need binkies, bottles, formula, bibs, toys, and many more items that seem to have gone missing ... and on top of everything the clock is screaming "YOUR LATE"!! To those lucky folk that know how to look at that nasty clock and say, "I know you are, but what am I?" you are so awesome to do so.

I often forget that I am rearing three little children of God, I get so caught up on just trying to make it through each day... I need to remember to take each moment as a gift and treaure it.

I was reading a friends blog just a bit ago and saw this quote that really touched my heart and spoke to my spirit... I just hope I can apply it to my life better :)

"Never forget that those little ones are the sons and daughters of God and that yours is a custodial relationship to them, that Hewas a parent before you were parents and that he has not relingquished His parental rights or His intrest in these His little ones... Rear your children with love, in the nature and with admonition of the Lord. Take care of your little ones. Welcome them into your homes, and nurture and love them with all of your hearts. They may do , in the years to come, some things you would not want them to do, but be patient, be patient. You have not failed as long as you have tried."
-President Gordon B. Hinckley

I love this and just felt it should be shared... Thanks Cheryl!!

First Time...

I couldn't believe how fortunate I was to see my two little ones play for the first time!! And during what was supposed to be their nap!! The first of MANY I assume!! haha

EVERY mother must watch this!

I just got done watching this video after having a tough day and I totally broke down! In a good way though! :) Enjoy!! Thanks Pixel Perfect!

It's a beautiful life - Signature Look

As I have been learning about photography, I find my self looking at other blogs, at least one that inspire me, and I am amazed at all the talent I see!! As I was looking, I noticed they do a ton of challenges and link ups... I wanted to join the fun, so here is what I submitted as a signiture look :)

New Blog just for pictures!!

I have created a blog just for the pictures I take! Take a look!! :)

BrandeeLeaftyPhotography.Blogspot.com

Let me know what you think!

Favorite Picture of the day!

So, I am in week 3 of the photography class and loving every second still! One day I will do this for a living. I have decided that this is my destiny :) Anyone want to help me build my portfolio? Just let me know and I will be there!! As long as you remember I am still learning! :)

My Ethan and Emma

I am having such a blast with these two blessings of mine! They have been so much fun to watch grow, they are different everyday!

Week 2 Lesson 1- focus

This was my best shot of the day yesterday :)

Photography eClass

I started a Photography class this month that I am really enjoying! I have learned so far about light, direction, depth of focus, aperture, ISO, and shutter speed. Most importantly I am learning how good it make me feel. If you know me at all then you know that each year I think of a craft learn it and move on,, like cake decorating, sewing etc. This is something so different. I feel so great when behind a camera, like nothing can touch me. That through this lens everything is possible and that life is beautiful everywhere you look.

I have never been one to take pictures of everything I do... But there are times when my camera is the only way I can express what I am feeling in that moment. A picture of what some may call a weed, or wild flower that grown on the side of the freeway can be so beautiful. It's all about looking at things differently, how can I find the pretty?

Taking pictures of my family has always been something I enjoy. Capturing smiles, and being able to look back at those moments that are otherwise lost. Our memory is not always doing it's job... I know this because of the photos I have taken, I may have remembered that day but not the small details that are caught on film, like the embarrassed husband who wasn't expecting the flash... That look that reminds you of how happy you are to be wearing that big white dress. Or maybe the moment you see your child for the first time. All these memories can be covered up by the next important second that happens. The camera and pictures are there, they bring you back, they make you feel that feeling, they comfort. The thought of creating that for others is like nothing I have ever felt before.

I started thinking about photography a while back when I was watching a show called

Extreme Makeover Home Edition

There was a woman that took pictures for families who were going to lose their newborn babies. Some of the newborns were just minutes old... This was to be all they had left of their children... My heart was so full of compassion that I wanted to do the same. Now, I don't know what kind of pictures I will take or if I am ever going to be good enough to do such an amazing thing for people but I do know that I will do what inspires me...

I am so excited for this new chapter in my life!! Can't wait to see what's in store for me!!

Ethan and Emma :)

Here are some pictures of Ethan and Emma just in case you haven't seen them yet!

Are we there yet?

Makenzie has learned the phrase "Are we there yet?" and man does it drive me crazy, only because she starts to say it as soon as we put the car in drive. Just today did I realize that I have been doing the same exact thing the whole entire time I've been pregnant... I swore up and down that when I got pregnant this time, since it took forever and medication, that I would cherish every moment, that I wouldn't rush through it like I may have done with my first pregnancy.
But you know what, I don't feel like I need to punish myself for wishing to meet my children as soon as possible, I feel like I have enjoyed the good things about pregnancy, but I am also excited to be done!
I am so excited to meet the little ones! And I have less then 6 weeks left! I have my (hopefully) last 2 hour ultrasound next week and I can't wait to see them again!
Oh and a funny fact... I am 51 inches around my belly! Yep... that's over 4 feet!!
CRAZY STUFF

Easter Cake

These are a few pictures of the cake I made and decorated for Easter!! :)

Easter 2010

Easter was so much fun this year!! Mak had a really great time decorating and finding eggs. Here are some pictures of the special day!!


I love Easter, I love the expression on my kids face when she sees her basket from the Easter Bunny!! But most of all I love what Easter means to our family!! I am grateful for Jesus Christ and the life He led so that He could make it possible for us to live again with our Heavenly Father! I love the picture of Him once He was resurrected and left the tomb to see Mary crying there, He looked of great joy to tell her that nothing was wrong anymore!! I love this gospel with all my heart and I love celebrating Jesus Christ!! :)

29 weeks.. and Made it to April!

These are pictures of Ethan at 29 weeks! He looks JUST like Makenzie to us!
We couldn't get any of Emma because she was head down spine up... She wants to remain a surprise!!

Ethan weighs 3lbs 11oz and Emma weighs 2lbs 12 oz :) Big brother huh?!?!

I can't believe it's April! Makenzie is turning 3years old in 14 days and I could be having babies in 3 weeks... CRAZY stuff!

On March 30th I went to the hospital for contractions... I am glad I did because they got to 2-3 minutes apart and very painful. It turned out that I had gotten too dehydrated and it irritated my uterus into contractions. Fortunately, I was OK because my cervix wasn't shorting so there was no way they were coming that night... but I was in a TON of pain so they were able to slow down the contractions by IV fluids and rest.

Life right now is pretty DANG crazy right now...
Anthony now gets home at 1pm to take care of Makenzie so I can rest, which is a HUGE blessing! I just can't do the up and down anymore for Mak, it kills my pelvic bone!
Oh and not to mention my car broke down a couple weeks ago so unless Anthony is here I have got nothing... We have the part we need to fix it but we can't seem to find the right tool to use that will fit... It's getting old realllllly fast, I hate feeling so trapped!

When I right it down it doesn't seem like everything is so crazy but when going through it, it seems like a lot to handle... But all will be better soon, I am SURE of it!!

Emma...

Getting Ready! :)

There are so many reasons to be happy about our two little blessings that are arriving and right now getting ready for them has been so much fun!!

The picture above is one of the outfits Ethan and Emma will most likely wear home from the hospital... We aren't completely sure yet... they came with pants too don't worry! haha

The Picture above the one above is the diaper cloths I made a while back...

Just recently I have been able to feel them get hiccups. That has been super fun! They haven't done it at the same time yet but I hear it's quite funny when they do!

Also, Anthony and I the other night sat and watched my belly for a good 20-30 minutes. Ethan is the only one we are able to see kick because of his position. He is in front of Emma on the top. I am afraid we won't be able to ever see Emma's kick nor will Anthony get to feel them because she is behind Ethan. But, man can I feel her! She goes all day long!! I thought Ethan would be more active but nope :)

I love being prego for the most part I only get annoyed when trying to either turn over in bed or get up off the couch! So I think that's pretty good... as long as they stay inside for a while longer! :)

Worries...

So, I am 24 weeks and very worried. I went to the hospital on Valentines day because of contractions about 10 mins apart, they said I might just be dehydrated so to drink 2-3 liters of water and to relax. Then the next day I stayed relaxed and drank 3 liters of water and the contractions didn't stop. So, the next day I called my OB to let her know what was going on and that I was worried. The nurse called back and told me to take it extremely easy, no lifting more then 10 lbs. no pushing or pulling, no standing for long periods of time. She made me an appointment for the next day along with an ultrasound.
We started with the ultrasound and the babies looked great! Also, my placenta previa (when the placenta covers cervix/the exit for baby) was gone which means I am not restricted to a C-section, I most likely will still have one but it's nice to know I have options. Anyways, the babies are awesome and my cervix is at a 4.6 which is long, they start to worry at a 3. My doctor came in next and said she thinks I don't need to be on such a strict regimen that the nurse had mentioned before. She said that as long as the contractions stay just contractions then I'm ok, its when things start to look more like labor (short cervix paired with contractions less then 5 mins apart). I had mixed feelings about her response because I think the ER nurses freaked me out a little, making me think worse case... I felt like maybe my OB was being a little light, but I was also super happy that I was fine for the moment. I have so much to do still and I can't be put on bed rest quite yet. On March 2nd I have another ultrasound which will tell us a little more like if my cervix is shortening and stuff like that.
On top of all of this, the night I went to the hospital I had my very first real contraction, like the painful kind... I can't believe how cruel they are! I told Anthony I was ready for a C-section, haha. I have had about 4 since then which makes me think that maybe my cervix will be shorter then last time.
So much to worry about but nothing to really doooo about it, other then wait... waiting/patients is the one thing I am constantly working on... my biggest weakness. I guess this is another chance for me to practice it.
I hope that I am not being a total downer, but it sure is nice to write it all down to get it out of my head and all typed out. I know everything will be okay which allows me to breathe but a mother NEVER stops worrying! haha.